About two weeks ago, a friend of ours lost her husband very suddenly and without warning. His death has left two grieving young daughters, wishing for one last word or moment with their father, something that is a painful reminder of the brevity and unpredictability of life.
From stoic philosophy to mindful meditation, you can find a form of the trope “Memento Mori” (remember that you will die). This is an invitation to contemplate your finitude, and to better focus on your life.
More importantly, it can also be seen as an invitation to be grateful for the moments we spend with each other, as not only are we finite, but the ones around us are as well.
When did you last have a conversation to discover how the other person might have changed since you met? When was the last time you just paused to take in the other person’s presence? Not the small annoyances we all have when living together, but the heartwarming fact they are still in your life, whether by chance (health) and simply because they have chosen to be.
Now think what it would be like if you no longer had those moments, sounds, images? What would the space around you feel like, and how would that affect you internally?
If this is too distressing to do, just move on to the next step. You can also contact me so we can work on finding a tailored approach for you.
Now you can refocus your attention on this person, and realise how lucky you are to have them and to know they have chosen to be there with you. This can lead to being more present in your relationships: You could have an impromptu loving gesture, or listen a little more intently to what they are saying, or ask them to take a walk with you or plan a vacation away together.
In his book Four Thousand Weeks, Oliver Burkeman calculated that if you live to 80, you will have approximately 4000 weeks in your life. Now if you met your significant other when you were 25, that leaves about 2800 weeks, including the time you are at work, sleeping, etc.
Ever since I read Oliver Burkeman’s book, this number has been popping into my mind frequently, reminding of the moments I get to spend with people around me.
How would you take advantage of these special moments?